Florida vs. Florida - Republicans and 1 Democrat Lawyer Up Against Voters

Rick Scott has stuffed himself into a hat and now pulls himself out as a “defendant” in his own war against voters in Florida.

When you think of the way political lines are drawn, you may want to picture Florida as being shaped like a ballet shoe doing a pirouette because Florida has gently danced around the idea of a fair election for more than a decade now.

Let’s review this ballet & magic show, shall we?

Act 1
V is for Voters
In 2008, voters in Florida overwhelmingly voted for Hillary Clinton in the Presidential Primary. However, the Republican powers that be decided that they would rather run against Barack Obama and successfully invalidated the votes of Democrats in both Florida and Michigan. Barack Obama, to the dismay of many Republican tricksters, won the election anyway and resurrected Hillary Clinton as perhaps the most effective Secretary of State the USA has ever known.

Republicans are still sore about that. Especially in Florida.

Act 2
V is for Vendetta
In 2010, Republicans saw an opportunity to harness the anger, racism, homophobia, resentment and economic turmoil that voters were experiencing and re-package it as a revolution. Through a complex and manipulative marketing strategy, they birthed the “Tea Party” with funding from the Koch Industries and Florida’s own Amway.

(As a quick side note: Lady GaGa has broken her promise from the National Equality March for the 6th time by performing at an Amway Arena on Tax Day in Orlando. This is also after signing exclusive deals with Target and being the first to break the Arizona boycott.)

Once again successful, the Republicans elected a new leader for Florida… a billionaire proponent of privatization named Rick Scott. Since 2008, Republicans in Florida are keenly aware that racism and sexism, if made too obvious, can both come back to bite them in the ass. Therefore, Rick Scott was flanked throughout his campaign by a pretty black woman named Jennifer Carroll who satisfied both under-represented demographics for Republicans. She is rarely heard from since Scott won the election.

Intermission – A Puppet Show in the Lobby
V is for Ventriloquism

Believe it or not, Tea Party rhetoric was useful beyond what Republicans had originally anticipated. As it turns out, liberals gained traction with talk of “fighting the elitist cronyism at play in our big government”. Of course, the liberals were speaking of state-level politics which have been gerrymandered to benefit the Republican Party for as long as anyone can remember in the Sunshine State.

So it came to pass that the same puppets who denounced the validity of our President’s birth certificate could be used to promote the passage of Amendments 5 & 6 which would end the practice of re-drawing district lines to favor incumbent career politicians. Like naked emperors, Tea Party Republicans had proudly marched around Florida complaining of cronyism, nepotism and suppression of their fair representation. The unintended result was a window of opportunity to finally castrate Florida’s Republican machine – the machine that delivered George W. Bush to the United States of America.

Act 3
V is for Voodoo

In order to understand someone like Corrine Brown (D-FL), in my opinion, you need to see a movie called ‘Just Cause’ with Lawrence Fishburne. Fishburne plays a Sheriff in rural Florida who is one of the few black people permitted by the well-oiled establishment to hold a position of power. For this reason, he nearly terrorizes his own black community for the purpose of self-preservation.

Corrine Brown is a member of the US House of Representatives from North Florida and as such is situated in the same uncomfortable position (although, to my knowledge she has never terrorized anyone). She is one of the few Democrats in Florida who has systematically been permitted to win reelection for the last 17 years in a row. But Brown’s status as an incumbent comes at a steep price.

The district lines are re-drawn (gerrymandered) every year to capture almost every black voter in North Florida’s 3 largest cities (Orlando, Jacksonville and Gainsville) and throw all of them into her district so that other legislators needn’t worry about appeasing “those people” during their Republican campaigns. So, the tradeoff is that we get 1 black female Democrat in the House but we have to take as many as 3 hard-right Republicans in the area who don’t have to answer to a single black Democratic voter in their own districts.

Ultimately, this sort of injustice is what brings Corrine Brown to the rescue of Republican Governor Rick Scott as he tries to do away with Fair Districts Florida’s Amendments 5 & 6 (which have now become Article 3, Section 20 of the Florida Constitution). Corrine Brown has even called former leaders from the NAACP to her side and asked them to go against the current majority of civil rights figures (including President Obama) who support the new re-districting laws.

In what seemed like an alternate reality for Florida Democrats, Corrine Brown turned on a dime and sided with Mario Diaz-Balart (R-FL) (who voted against protecting minorities in every other situation) and the Republican establishment to sue the State of Florida in Federal Court for her perceived “right” to retain an unfair advantage in future elections. When Rick Scott purchased his way into election by the slightest margin ever, he became “the defendant” (along with the ACLU) in this case by default. The ACLU might be of some help in defending our new law, but Rick Scott will throw everything he can into stopping it.

It's confusing to voters because it makes it appear that Rick Scott is now defending fair districting practices in Florida against a black woman and a Hispanic man who want special treatment… That view of the situation is exactly how Rick Scott wants it to go down in the papers. But in reality, all 3 have been on the same side and wasting your tax dollars to fight against the Amendments that you voted into law. These three pirates have seized the throne and refuse to accept that they’ve already been outmoded.

In a time when teachers are being laid off by the thousands and medication for working-class people with HIV is no longer provided by Florida, it’s comforting to know how many tens of millions of dollars these 3 career politicians are willing to spend on their own job security.

Florida Rises Up Like Egypt

Floridians: Give Us Democracy Or Give Us Death!

“The Floridian culture is very threatened by Rick Scott’s dictatorial lockdown on the press,” says renegade blogger Jarrett Terrill who barely escaped the death panel imposed by the ruling party last year. “The people want to see what a real democracy looks like. Florida has not had a real election since the early 90’s and they blame the ruling party for this,” says Terrill.

Scott, like Mubarak, maintains a tight control over all communication online. If a worker’s internet access has been denied by Comcast’s clandestine operation called the Internet Owners for Freedom Regime (CIOFR), they cannot get necessary help or information. However, they may still receive Scott’s daily inspirational tweets on the preferred media outlet of the ruling party.

“The native people of Florida are feeling inspired by the Egyptians and Tunisians,” says Rebellion Leader Alan Grayson. “They are intent on upon achieving a real Democracy. It’s going to be a tough battle to the finish, but we’ve seen worse. So far, our plan is to not get sick and if we do, die quickly.”

But the rebel faction has received little help in the region from the United States. Although President Obama said “This is a way of endangering our troops, our sons and daughters, fathers and mothers, husbands and wives who are sacrificing for us to keep us safe, and you don’t play games with that,” about the radical regime in Florida, there is still a pervasive sense that those in the beltway see Florida as a Sovereign Nation.

Real journalists were denied access to the ruling party even before the so-called election. “It wasn’t an election, it was a dog and pony show just like always,” says Terrill. The small minority of Floridian people who did confirm that they voted for the dictator said they did so out of fear and desperation. They voted for Scott primarily so that his brutal Tea Party regime would stop harassing them. “I can take care of myself," said Evelyn Logas, a retired medical worker from Mount Dora. "I just want the government out of my life."


Logas, like other Floridians who were pressured into voting for Scott were also afraid that they would be denied medical care. The Dr. Mengele of the ruling Tea Party regime is named Dr. Jack Cassell. Outside of his office, he has signs posted that read “If you voted for Obama, seek medical care elsewhere.”

“I’m glad he’s shutting down transportation and denying medical care,” Liz Staub screams to a mob of protesters in Tampa. A Tea Party insurgent herself, she shakes her fist authoritarian style one more time at the crowd and retorts, “I hope he cuts it down to the bone!”

Staub is obviously under the advisement of Rick Scott’s minister of Propaganda, Sean Hannity. Activists stormed Disney World (which has since become the only refuge from snipers and car bombings) when they found evidence that no women were actually forced to give birth in the middle of the street under other leaders throughout the southern region of the United States and that their only government-approved media source had lied to them.

“The real issue here,” says Terrill, “Is that people finally realized the ruling Tea Party had been nothing but a front for Rick Scott’s regime all along. They were caused to realize this when Governor Scott vetoed their demand for a free democratic election. He did this by removing the people’s mandate to redraw the voting districts more fairly. The Scott regime employs a kind of propaganda about the situation in which they managed to convince their insurgents that Gerrymandering is ordained by God.”

Terrill says he also believes in God, but he is not a Talibangelical like the hostile majority in the Tea Party Regime. “My God would never allow for such deplorable behavior in his name,” says Terrill, who is now in hiding since insurgents took over his refugee camp. “These people are very dangerous because they believe in radical tax fundamentals like the idea that you can take more away from zero. So who can say what their concept of or respect for human life is like.”

“I only pray that the CREW is successful at infiltrating this dangerous regime at their highest levels. If I would have known things would get this bad, I would have voted for Alex Sink instead of the real Democrat I voted for... I was just thinking that at worst he'd be another Charlie Crist.”

Notice: Although this "news story" is obviously a parody, the photograph above is taken from inside the United States by PBS during the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina... Some of the quotations above are real and some have been slightly embellished but the links lead you to the very real reasons that you should be concerned about our Democracy in Florida.