Saturday, September 25, 2010

"Let Us Not Be Nuts."

"Here is a grand old party frozen, suspended, mesmerized, in thrall to a gaggle of showboats and radio entertainers and small mobs of fist-shakers standing staunch for unreality, and no Republican elected official dares say, 'Let us not be nuts'."
- Garrison Keillor

John Boehner (R-OH) - I Don't think women should be paid as much as men for doing the exact same work. That's why I voted against The Paycheck Fairness Act (H.R. 1338). I also voted against protecting credit card holders from sudden interest rate increases surprise changes in terms of agreement (H.R. 5244).

Michele Bachmann (R-MN) - I don't want small businesses to get a tax-cut as a hiring incentive to create jobs. That's why I voted against the Small Business Lending Act (H.R. 5297). However, I did make firearms exempt from repossession during bankrupcy, but that was only for businesses - not individuals like you (H.R. 5827)

John McCain (R-AZ) - I think companies like Halliburton/KBR should be allowed to lock rape victims in shipping containers for days - even weeks - to keep them from testifying in court against the company. This happened to a young woman named Jamie Leigh Jones and she's my daughter's age. That's why I voted against Amendment 2588 to the Defense Appropriations Bill H.R. 3326. I also voted against repealing 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell', a pay increase for soldiers and a program to treat PTSD.

Carly Fiorina (R-CA) - I want to give all of America's jobs to China and India. I use the term "globalization" rather than "outsourcing" because we've added yet another way to take away American jobs. You see, by successfully promoting H1-B Visa programs, we can actually ship immigrants into the USA and give them your job for much cheaper than what you'd work for. You can call that "insourcing". When I was queen bee at Hewlett Packard, I laid off 18,000 American workers and made decisions which led to 30,000 more being laid off when I was gone.

Charlie Crist (R-FL) - I like to tell everyone that I'm concerned about the environment, but under my governorship, Pensacola FL became the American city with the absolute most polluted water. That was before the oil spill in our gulf. When the BP disaster happened, I thought it was more important to collect $25 Million from the oil company for tourism advertisements telling everyone to come to our beaches before I even knew whether or not that was safe. I have been suspected of being in the closet as a homosexual for quite some time now, but I think dashed those myths by signing a few anti-gay laws including one that forbids gays from even getting civil union in Florida, let alone marriage. And just to rub it in, I got married the week after I passed the no gay marriage bill.

Saxby Chambliss (R-GA) - I really hate homosexuals. In fact, my Senate staff likes to send death threats to gay bloggers in their spare time. I tried to pass a law that would effectively open up all of our Federal land including National Parks to hunting. This would probably result in children being shot, but I don't care. Even John McCain says I'm "reprehensible" because I attacked the patriotism of my veteran opponent to get my first seat in the Senate. I want to privatize social security, eliminate the IRS and get warrantless wiretaps on US citizens. I want to make it a felony just to drive a woman to an abortion clinic.